Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Never Got That Cash.

So North Melbourne did end up finishing in the top 8 but I never got my cash. He bought us a round of drinks and then made the same bet again for the next year. So I guess if he is right next season I'm not paying him!

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Monday, October 13, 2008

It's In The Mail...

I was driving to work last Friday when I noticed a postie bike parked on the grass on the side of a main road. There was mail all over the grass and I noticed the postman was on the inside lane of the road trying to pick up all the mail he had dropped. There was packages on the ground and letters blowing along the road. I guess the mail isn't as reliable as I always thought.

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Thursday, October 09, 2008


My favourite emoticon ever invented is definitely from the forums

Well the good news is that the poster "International Log" has made a 3d version of it

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Christmas Party Time.

So my boss came around and asked if I'm bringing anyone to the Christmas party this year so he could organise numbers for the booking. I looked down at the desk and he could immediately see it was a bad question. My eyes welled up and I started screaming that she broke up with me, I had been dumped for Jesus, how could a mere mortal like myself compete with the messiah? Plus her new boyfriend's father is our all powerful creator where as my dad's biggest achievement was drinking an entire slab of VB one afternoon. Apparently she can also communicate with him anytime by simply speaking in prayer, which means he is always there for her. Unfortunately I can't offer the same because I'm limited by my mobile phone $300 cap.

To top it off I then began vomiting uncontrollably everywhere while apologising profusely. It was a bit embarrassing but it meant I got the afternoon off work.

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Monday, October 06, 2008

98 Years Young.

My grandma is pretty old. She just turned 98 on the weekend and I went and saw her. Usually I'm not alone with her and I was worried I wouldn't be able to think of much to talk about but we got along just fine. Although sometimes it is tough to think of topics of conversation when you are speaking to someone who was born in Glasgow in 1910.

I'd always wondered how come her Scottish accent wasn't very strong where as my grandad could be quite difficult to understand. I found out that when she talks to Scottish people it's stronger but she deliberately tones it down for us Aussies. She's living in a retirement village and I think it's awesome and want to move in ASAP. It sort of reminds me of living in a nice motel. You have your own lounge, separate bedroom and bathroom and all meals are provided. You can have them in your room or down in the dining room with everyone else. They also hold events for them, my grandma was telling me about an upcoming Scottish night for St. Andrew's Day or Burn's night or something. Best of all... they've got a pool table too!

I doubt I'll live anywhere near that long even though genetics is on my side. My grandad, her husband, lived till he was 100 and I have a funny feeling that she will make it too. I also have a funny feeling that I will buck the trend and die before I'm 30.

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Wednesday, October 01, 2008


Hello Ladies! I believe I have concocted the perfect outfit! First I found this shirt in my dad's wardrobe and followed it up with my favourite pair of shorts and a pair of comfortable sandals. The red tie adds a touch of class yet this wacky addition also reflects my wacky, zany personality - the same personality that makes me the life of LAN parties! When it comes to headwear, you can't go past the fedora, I think sometimes that the rapper Usher wears one. No offence Usher, but I think you should stick to what your name suggests and just be an usher (I came up with that one myself LOL). And to top the outfit off, there is just a *adjusts transition lenses* hint of belly button.

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Got a spare $2000?

Well turns out I actually only owe 2 grand to the ATO. What a relief. Also it wasn't only because of my HECS debt. It's because I'm a foolish boy who saved a lot of money in a high interest account and now I have to pay tax on that. Plus because of this extra interest that I didn't pay HECS on, I now have to cover the HECS I should have paid on that, I might have even jumped up a HECS bracket because of the interest I earned. I'm thinking I should have just paid my HECS off completely when I could have seeing as I haven't invested in property or anything. An even better idea would have been to spend all my money so this won't happen again.

I guess I should be cheerful that I'm paying all this tax because it's all going to good causes like politicians superannuation payouts, antique furniture for the lodge, first class flights and of course all those magnificent lunches they enjoy.

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Tuesday, September 30, 2008


Hello my darling Internet lover. Would you care for a glass of this wine I found in my parents kitchen?

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Got a spare $1400?

Just saw an accountant and apparently I might owe FUCKING $1400 to the fucking tax department. It seems like they mysteriously haven't been taking out enough tax at work to cover my compulsory HECS repayments. Just the news I wanted to hear, I'm over the moon!

Actually, there is a factual mistake in the previous paragraph. HECS has had an extreme makeover and is now known by the acronym, HELP. Good work government, what a stunning change, I can honestly say that the switch in name was money well spent.

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Monday, September 29, 2008

A Jesus Mixtape.

Here are my favourite songs about Jesus Christ.

Supergrass - Jesus Came From Outta Space.
Ministry - Jesus Built My Hotrod.
Ugly Kid Joe - Jesus Rode A Harley.
Soundgarden - Jesus Christ Pose.
Slayer - Jesus Saves.
TISM - Jesus Pots the White Ball.
The Fratellis - Jesus Stole my Baby.
Bad Religion - American Jesus
Pump'n Ethyl - Jesus Was A Homo.
NOFX - Leaving Jesusland.
NOFX - Dueling Retards (This one isn't about Jesus but I like the idea of dueling retards).

I put this on a mix CD for my car and now I listen to Christian music I am 77% more likely to go to heaven. Plus having the holy spirit as a passenger improves my driving.

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Saturday, February 16, 2008

Lame Valentine's Day Presents.

Someone told me that their friend was bragging about the gifts she got for Valentine's Day last on Thursday. It turned out she got a Simple Plan CD. Now that is pretty lame in itself, but what could you couple that with to make it even lamer? A crossword book. What an amazing combo. I don't think you could any lamer than that no matter how hard you try.

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Saturday, February 09, 2008

100k For Hootie. A whining sack of Hootie.

I found a site that tells you how much it costs to get bands or comedians to put on a show. Of course I can't guarantee it's accuracy but some of the figures were interesting. It seems to be for shows at colleges.
  • Bob Saget - 35 to 40k.
  • Everclear - 25k. Thought they would have been more!
  • Jimmy Eat World - 100k.
  • Kings Of Leon - 25k. No way, much to cheap!
  • Lynyrd Skynyrd - 150k.
  • Pauly Shore - 15 to 20k. Amazing that people would pay that much.
  • Reel Big Fish - 15 to 25k. Seems cheap seeing as there about 24 guys in the band!
  • Sum 41 - 25 to 30k. Once again, seems way too cheap for a band that's still popular.
  • Third Eye Blind - 50 to 75k. It appears that washed up one hit wonders are more expensive!?
  • Hootie And The Blowfish - 100k.
Hah! 100k for Hootie And The Blowfish!? That can't be right. Either Hootie know they are shit and are playing a joke or the figures on that site are made up. I remember when Tim Rogers was performing one of his solo songs when "Hey Hey It's Saturday" was still on TV. The show always had 2 musical guests on and he was on halfway through the show with Hootie And The Blowfish finishing up on the same episode. The song he performed had the line "just to remind myself what a whining sack of shit I am" in it, but of course he wasn't allowed to say "shit" on a family show. Therefore he did the next big thing and replaced it with "Hootie". What a whining sack of Hootie I am indeed.

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Friday, February 08, 2008

Australia Vs Qatar (Gooda ruck!)

On Wednesday I went and watched Australia Vs Qatar at Telstra Dome. Now that Australia is in the Asian confederation they play a lot more games to qualify for the world cup. This game against Qatar was one of the world cup qualifiers.

A mate and I went straight from work into the city and grabbed a beer at Young and Jackson's while waiting for a couple of friends from uni to arrive. The place was full of old blokes with Iron Maiden t-shirts on. A lot of beards were also present that night. The reason being that there was an Iron Maiden concert on that night. After a couple of beverages we caught a tram down Collins St to the dome. What is it with people standing in the doorways of tram when there is a tonne of room down the end?

As we were walking through Southern Cross station (formerly Spencer St Station, thanks Bracksy), I noticed an Asian girl walking along among the hundreds of Australian soccer fans. Twenty seconds later she came up to me and asked something like "is the soccer on tonight?" Her English was really bad so she was hard to understand. She kept following me as I was walking to the stadium and I asked if she was from Japan. She seemed so excited that I knew she was from Japan and asked "do you know I'm from Japan by my lips". I have no idea what she meant by this. The real reason I knew she was from Japan was because she pronounced her "L's" as "R's". She ended up following me all the way to the stadium and then got me to take a picture of her in front for the stadium. Of course she was doing the peace sign thing that the Japanese are so fond of. Before leaving she wished me "Gooda Ruck!"

Australia ended up killing Qatar which was a pleasant surprise. Even though they should have killed a team like Qatar there seemed to be a lot of excuses made before the game just in case they happened to draw or lose. There was 50,000 at the Dome which was a great crowd. Even though it was great to see Australia win, it almost seemed too easy with the game basically over at the 30 minute mark.

After the game I went with my mate from work to meet one of his friends. We meet him at Transport in Fed Square and I ended up getting sucked into $100 bet. He went for the Sydney Swans and was bagging the crap out of North Melbourne finances and saying they would fold. I could accept that because I knew he was wrong and we would reverse our finances, but once he turned to on field performance it really annoyed me. He kept saying that North wouldn't make the final 8. Fair play to him, he put his money where his mouth was and we made a $100 bet that North wouldn't make the final 8. This was a pretty risky bet on his behalf seeing as North finished 3rd last year.

I can't wait for my $100 in September!

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Monday, February 04, 2008

The Doors Won't Open.

So I went to get off the train tonight and the doors made this funny beep but wouldn't open. Sometimes the doors don't open for a while so I stood waiting for the correct beep while a woman on the other side stood waiting to get in. Then I noticed people walking down the platform and it slowly dawned on me it was only this door that wouldn't open. Just as I realised the train started to pull away meaning I missed my stop. At the next stop I went to the next door along where some people were waiting to get off. The train stopped and this one wouldn't open either until some guy forced it. Some more fantastic work from Connex!

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